Rossi vs. Sleepovers

[kinglearisstupid]

The only thing noisier than having a five-year-old girl in the house is having a dozen five-year-old girls in the house.

Rossi's not sure if Summer's parents are overly confident or just plain reckless in regard to their mental health.

"Five is too young for a sleepover, isn't it?" Emily asks Rossi when they've finally managed to get Beezus to stop begging by telling her, non-committally, that they'll think about it.

Beezus sleeps over at Jack's once in a while, but that is different. Rossi trusts Aaron Hotchner not only with his life, but with his daughter's. He can rest easy knowing that his daughter is safe under Hotch's roof, and even then, the first few times Beezus slept over, he and Emily spent a great deal of their alone time holding each other and crying about how they can't live without their baby.

And now this Summer girl is inviting all the girls in kindergarten for a slumber party to celebrate her sixth birthday.

Before Rossi can even consider the idea, he needs Garcia to run a background check on the kid's entire family, extended relatives included. Back three generations, at least.

"I think five's too young," Rossi says. "Maybe when she's ten." Or preferably, never.

"On the other hand, she wants to go so badly," Emily says, sighing as Rossi works his fingers at the knot of tired muscle in her shoulders. She moans softly as Rossi kneads a particularly sore spot and it makes his cock twitch. Emily herself is enough to turn him on, but the idea of having sex in his own bed is almost titillating, after almost four years of that co-sleeping bullshit they accidentally roped themselves into.

"The house will be so quiet," Rossi muses out loud.

"We'll be alone," Emily realizes incredulously. "For hours."

"I'll have Garcia run a background check tomorrow."


*

"Now, if you want to go home at any time, you can call us, okay?" Emily tells Beezus as she stuffs August the Bear and Boo Blanket into Beezus's backpack. "Daddy and I will come get you right away."

"I know," Beezus says impatiently, pulling Boo out and handing it to Emily. "I don't need this. I'll be okay."

"And you have to be on your best behaviour, all right? Say your pleases and thank you's, and don't be picky with your food."

"Even if they feed me poison?" Beezus asks.

Rossi says, "They're not going to feed you poison," but Emily cuts in and says, "Even if they feed you poison. I want you to eat it all up and tell them it tastes delicious. Okay, sweetie?"

"But then I'll be dead," Beezus says.

"Before you die, I want you to thank Summer's parents for a lovely dinner. Promise me."

"I promise." Beezus rolls her eyes and lets her parents kiss her goodbye and then off she goes, trotting towards the front door lined with streamers and balloons.

"We're just letting her go," Rossi says, shaking his head. He kind of hopes he will be dead by the time Beezus goes to college. He's not sure he can stand the heart-stopping panic of finding out what sort of crazy shenanigans his daughter will get herself into.


*

The first call comes in midway through their second course. The entire restaurant glares at them, but Emily gives them all her "bite me" look and answers the phone.

"Hi, Summer's mom ---" They've really got to work on learning these people's names. "Sure, put her on. Beezus, sweetie, is everything okay?"

"I just wanted to tell you that they didn't feed me poison," Beezus says, so loudly that Rossi can hear her voice, crisp and clear. "We had macaroni and cheese and chocolate cake."

"That sounds fantastic, darling."

"I thanked Summer's mom for dinner even though she didn't put the breadcrumbs on top like you're supposed to, for that crunch."

"As long as you thanked Summer's parents. It sounds like you are having a great time, Beezus. Is there any reason why you called?"

"I just wanted to make sure you guys are okay. Can't talk, Mommy. We're going to watch Tangled now."

"Have fun, sweetheart. Say goodbye to Daddy?"

By the time Rossi has the phone in his hand, his daughter's already hung up.


*

The second call arrives when Emily is in the bath. Rossi is sleepy and sated after a particularly long due and blissfully uninterrupted session of lovemaking and is caught off guard when he answers the phone.

"Kaylee threw up."

"Excuse me?"

"Kaylee threw up and her mom came and got her."

"Beezus, are you not feeling well?"

"No, I'm okay."

"So you just called me to tell me about Kaylee throwing up?"

"Yes. It was orange. Where's Mommy?"

"Mommy's taking a bath, honey."

Beezus's breath hitches for a moment. "Okay, then. Will you tell her about Kaylee?"

"I will, sweetheart. Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Bye, Daddy."


*

It's a little after midnight when they get the third call. Impeccable timing, as Rossi and Emily are contemplating nightcaps but haven't decided who should get out of bed to fix them.

"Daddy, are zombies real?"

"No, Beezus, they're not." He puts her on speaker, and Emily moves closer, pressing her nose against his shoulder blade.

"But if they were, you could shoot them, right? Before they come in the middle of the night and try to eat my brains?"

Rossi sighs and turns over to face Emily, who groans into his chest. "You didn't watch Tangled, did you?"

"We did but then we watched Land of the Dead after, which Summer's brother says is based on a true story, like the Bible. And he says that it says in the bible that someday the world will end and all the dead people will wake up and get out from their graves and they will all have very sharp teeth and gray skin and their eyes will be popping out and they'll try to eat everyone's brains 'cuz they're hungry from being dead for so long.

"I said, Well, if that really happens my mom and dad could shoot all the zombies before they come and eat our brains, but Summer's brother said that there would be too many zombies and you and Mommy wouldn't be fast enough and the zombies will get me and get you guys too."

Five is definitely too young for a sleepover.

"Listen to me, baby," Rossi says. "Summer's brother is a complete moron who doesn't know what the heck he's talking about. First of all, there are no zombies. Second of all, if there were zombies --- which there won't be, because they're not real --- your mom and I could totally shoot all of them before they got anywhere near you, all right?"

"BUT THERE'S SO MANY OF THEM!"

Emily takes the phone away from him and says, "Beezus, do you want me and Daddy to come and get you?"

"Please," Beezus says, in a voice so small that Rossi thinks he might break Summer's brother's face, if the kid weren't, he thinks, nine years old. "And bring Boo Blanket with you?"

"We'll be right there, honey."

"I'll start the car," Rossi tells Emily. They won't be having sex for a while, but at least he'll have both his girls with him in his bed when the zombies come, and damn straight he'll be prepared when that day arrives.

He will be fucking ready for them.