Beezus versus The Bottle: Round 2

[kinglearisstupid]

These are just a few of the things Beezus does not like:

1. naps
2. the vet
3. when she has a brilliant idea and tries to let her parents know and they don't come right away
4. tummy time
5. THE CAR SEAT.

Last time she went to the vet, the vet stabbed her in the leg with a needle while her parents stood idly by and watched. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Beezus said to them afterwards. DID YOU NOT SEE WHAT HE JUST DID TO ME?

"It's all right, honey," her mom said as she patted Beezus's back and tried to make Beezus forget that she did nothing while somebody tried to kill Beezus. Good luck with that. "It's over now. We're going home."

And then they put Beezus into the car seat.

WORST DAY EVER, Beezus said to Mudgie when she was back in her bouncer. She had cried so much in the car that she threw up all her food. She didn't even get a bath. All she got was new pajamas, the one with a scratchy tag at the neck.

Rabies shot? Mudgie asked sympathetically as he dropped Squeaky Rat into Beezus's lap. She grabbed it --- she was getting really good at grabbing --- and shoved it into her mouth. Don't worry, you only need to get them once a year.

Beezus didn't know how many naps a year was, but it sounded like it probably wasn't enough. She never wanted to get her rabies shot again.

She was chewing on Squeaky Rat when her mother showed up to take her for the blasted Tummy Time. "Beezus, that's not your toy," Mommy said, peeling Beezus's fingers off Squeaky Rat. No matter how hard Beezus tried, she could never win when her parents were determined to deprive her of her favorite things.

IT'S NOT FAIR, Beezus yelled as her mother scooped her out of the bouncer, YOU GUYS ARE BIGGER. YOU ONLY GET TO PICK ON ME BECAUSE I'M SO LITTLE.

"Poor thing," her dad said as Mommy placed her down on the stupid play mat that didn't taste nearly as good as Squeaky Rat. "It's been a rough day for her."

It really has, Beezus thought. Worst day ever.


*

Except it wasn't the worst day ever.

Not even close.

*

The Worst Day Ever began like any other day, with Beezus waking up in the morning, snuggly and warm in bed between her parents, her diaper slightly wet but not enough to be truly uncomfortable. She wanted food, not because she was really hungry, but because there was no better way to start a new day than being cuddled by her Mommy while she ate.

Food, please, she said politely to her mother, who was still sleeping and didn't answer. FOOD, MOMMY. FOOD. CUDDLES. FOOD.

"Okay, okay, okay, sheesh."

Food, Beezus thought pleasantly and she began to eat. It was hard to smile and eat at the same time, so she focused on eating, but she was going to give Mommy a big grin afterwards, even though Mommy's response time was not at her best today. She mashed her face against Mommy's skin and started swallowing big gulps of food (sweet, glorious food!) and she was concentrating so hard that she almost didn't hear her mother telling her, "I'm going to miss you so much, Beezus."

Huh? Beezus thought. Miss was not a good word. Miss was the feeling she got when Jack went away after a visit. Miss was when her dad went to the store (which Beezus loves, as long as she is in the sling and not in the cart, which has a thing that is as bad as the car seat) without her. Miss was when she thought of her old home sometimes, how comfortable it was and how nobody stabbed her with needles or put her in the car seat, even though most of the time she preferred her new home with Mommy and Daddy.

Am I going away? Beezus wondered. Are you leaving me at the pound?

She had heard a lot of things about the pound, where Mudgie and Sergio used to live before they moved into Beezus's home. The pound is not a home, they told her. The pound is the opposite of home.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, Sergio told her as Beezus finished and her mom laid her back down onto the bed while she herself went to get a bath. They seem to really like you, even though I have no idea why. And the pound is not so bad. I would only start worrying if they want to send you to the farm.

Beezus had heard about farms. There was a farm on her play mat. She knew all about farms and its owners: cows that go "moo," ducks that go "quack," chickens that go "squawk squawk," and the farmer who lived in the dell. The farm didn't seem like a terrible place to go, unless you could only get there in the car seat.

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE FARM, she said to her dad, whose eyes jerked open. He blinked a few times and then sighed, picking her up to change her, which Beezus appreciated, since her diaper had gone from slightly wet to really wet. He put her in the sling after and went down to the kitchen. Beezus slurped on her fingers and enjoyed the sounds and smells of surrounding her as her dad made breakfast.

Daddy liked to ask Beezus for her opinions on things that she didn't think were important. Today, he asked her, "This situation in Cyprus is really getting out of hand, isn't it?"

If you say so, Beezus replied, humoring him. She had bigger things to worry about, plans to hatch. By accident, a few naps ago, she figured out that if she pushed on her right arm and leg the right way, she could flip over from her tummy onto her back. Since then, she had been practicing at night, when nobody was watching. Flipping from her back to her tummy was harder, but who would want to do that anyway?

Planning made her tired and she decided to take a short nap to save up enough energy for later. Before she fell asleep, she heard her mother say, "I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I should do this."

"Look, Em, like I said, I'll support any decision you make. If you're not ready to do this, it's fine. I know it's not about the money, it's never been about the money. If you want, we can totally become one of those crazy couples who stay at home and gaze at their child in wonderment all day. I'm all for that."

I like that plan, Beezus thought as she drifted off to sleep.

She woke up to her dad folding laundry and talking into the phone at the same time. Beezus loved the phone. It made different noises when she pressed it in different places, and her favorite noise was the one it made when she threw it onto the floor.

"I've just finished doing another load of pinks. Yes, another. Tell me, do they actually make baby clothes in other colors or is that just a rumor? Oh, she woke up. No, not crying. Beezus, say hi to your mom."

That is not my mom, Beezus pointed out. That is a phone. Don't try to trick me.

She made a grab for it so she could throw it onto the floor, but she was not quick enough and her dad yanked it out of her reach. Dang! Beezus looked at her hand and flexed her fingers. A little more practice, she told herself, and she would be able to do it next time.

After Laundry, Daddy set her on the play mat and they passed her favorite stuffed octopus back and forth for a little while. Then he put her on her tummy and let her show off her amazing flipping skills. One moment she would be looking at the stupid farm on the play mat and the next, her world would turn upside down and LOOK THERE'S DADDY! DADDY! DID YOU SEE WHAT I JUST DID?

I can do it too! Mudgie barked in excitement, and then flopped over onto his belly. Dave! Look! I can do it too!

What a bunch of morons, Sergio muttered before going back to licking himself.

All the flipping and flopping made Beezus hungry. Food, she said to Daddy, who usually knew to get Mommy to come over. I would like some food now.

"Just one sec," her dad said, scooping her up. He took her back into the kitchen and opened the box that felt like winter. Beezus knew what winter was and she did not like it, because it meant she had to wear a hat.

Number 6 on the List of Things She Does Not Like: hats.

Food, please, she asked again, because she was really feeling empty and in desperate need of a cuddle.

And then her Worst Enemy appeared.

The Bottle.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Beezus screamed as her father tried to put the Bottle into her mouth. GET IT AWAY FROM ME.

The Bottle kept trying to attack her face and she started to thrash around, hoping that she would manage to knock it onto the ground. GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY. But she was all empty and didn't have enough strength in her to fight for long, especially when she was also crying. Crying meant her mouth was open and Daddy managed to shove Bottle inside.

There was food in the Bottle but it was cold and it didn't taste right. It made her tummy hurt and it didn't take long for it to come back all up.

"No, everything's fine," Daddy said to the phone as he stripped Beezus from her food-covered jammies and dunked her into the bathtub. "She's just a little upset, is all . . . right. The bottle warmer. Of course I remembered to use it."

He looked down at Beezus with eyes that said, Whoops, my bad. Still furious, she ignored him and splashed as much water as she could out of the tub, and then peed on the towel when he was drying her.

Beezus went back into the bouncer, still cranky and empty and tired. Mudgie tried to make her feel better by licking her head, but that couldn't tickle a laugh out of her. Even Sergio came over and let Beezus grab his tail.

Cheer up, burrito, he told her. She's probably just gone for a bit.

Gone, was also not a good word. Beezus used to have a stump in the middle of her, her friend from back home, but then one day it was just gone. And she never saw it again. There was a hole where it used to be, which was fun for poking and for her parents to blow raspberries against, but it wasn't quite the same and she never got to say goodbye.

My mom is gone, she thought. I will never see her again.

When her dad came back with the Bottle, she didn't even bother to fight it, she was so tired and sad. Her mommy was gone. Gone, gone, gone, gone where her stump went and gone where the diapers go they get taken off.

The food was warm this time but it tasted like tears.

Even though Daddy was giving her lots of cuddles and kisses, and Beezus loved her dad, it was clear that he didn't know the first thing about how she liked her food and, worse, he was siding with the Bottle, who was her sworn enemy. TRAITOR, she thought, and tugged at his beard.

Afterwards, she was put down for a nap, which she didn't like, since there were so many more interesting things she could be doing.

But maybe this was growing up. Doing lots of things that you hated and people you love being gone and being able to flop onto your back but not back onto your belly.

"Thatagirl," her dad said as he rocked her in the Big Chair, which Beezus liked, even though it inevitably led to naps. "That's my best girl."

Beezus woke up to Mudgie's barking. LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!

Before she knew it, she was swept into familiar arms that smelled like --- MOMMY, she shouted, plastering her face against her mother. YOU'RE BACK! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE!

I told you she was only going to be gone for a bit, Sergio said disdainfully. You guys make a big fuss about everything.

LOOK AT ME! EMILY, LOOK AT ME! Mudgie was still barking. LOOK WHAT I CAN DO! I CAN CHASE MY TAIL. SEE? SEE?

"I'm just going to lie down and pass out for a while," Daddy was saying.

"I'll order Chinese," Mommy said.

You won't believe the day I had, Beezus told her. You were gone and there was this awful Bottle and YOU WERE GONE.

Beezus burst into tears, remember how terrible it had been when she called out for her mom and her mom didn't come. How badly Beezus had missed her.

"It's all right, sweetheart," her mother said to her, kissing her hands and feet. "I'm here now, aren't I? I might have to go away from time to time, but I'll always come back."

Okay, Beezus thought. I can live with that. I don't like it, but if you promise you'll come back ...

This was growing up, she realized: knowing that people you love will be gone, but that they will come back, and making peace with what she's given until they do.

The Bottle, however, was unacceptable.

Just wait, she thought as she pulled at her mother's shirt. Just wait until I'm big enough.

She was plotting. She had great plans.




Beezus, plotting